Why You Don’t Want to Have Multiple Girlfriends - Alpha Male Nation
Life is complex. That’s the truth for most people, at least. When it comes to relationships, we might think about gender, culture or love, but we fail to acknowledge that biological and psychological factors are sometimes even more important.
Marriage is not the subject here, but relationships that guys have with other women. The common belief is that men have evolved in such a way that they need to increase their chances of reproduction. This means trying to impregnate more women, so their genes will be propagated forward and they will improve the world with fine specimens like themselves. Or, at least, they make sure the human species survives. This theory only matters in biological terms, because what nature considers fine might not suit other people’s opinion. Some would say that it’s unfortunate that many men have this instinct. However, things have changed in so many ways and at such high rates in the last couple of centuries that nature and evolution have a difficult time keeping up with us. The planet is already overpopulated and even though reproduction might not be a man’s first thought, that result is actually quite common without any real intentions. But that’s still a bit far from our current subject.
A great number of men have the desire of getting intimate with more women at the same time. In this day and age, this type of behavior might be considered immature. Lack of emotional maturity can be seen in many areas of a person’s life, but the way people handle relationships seems to be a very good evidence of their personality, traits and character. Things evolve and what was valued 100 years ago is not identical with today’s values. If a man was expected to have multiple affairs, there are not so many women who would put up with this today.
One of the most important things about humans is that they want to be appreciated. Many people would do anything just to feel validated and that someone holds them in high regards, but they don’t think about the price they eventually pay. These kinds of people have trouble respecting themselves and feeling unworthy of, but expect others to do it. Their self-esteem is extremely low and it’s one of the reasons women accept being involved with men that have other relationships. Men who date and have relationships with more women at the same time might think of it as a good thing, because it’s a way to show appreciation towards all of them. For some people the goal is to find one special person that knows them and values them completely. This can take time and effort, but the outcomes are priceless. Of course, biodiversity is too prominent to make rules for the entire population, but people’s basic needs are often more common than we might want to believe.
The nature of multiple relationships presents the risk of being impersonal. They lack the potential to become emotionally fulfilling and sometimes hide other problems like the inability to cope with feelings of loneliness and rejection. Research has shown that men tend to keep more women around so they have a safety net in case of breakup. When one on the women leaves the man, he can easily get over it by relying on his other partners. One of the negative characteristics of such a lifestyle is the lack of ability to handle suffering. This is part of life and learning how to handle it brings strength of character that can’t be otherwise built.
Being involved with more than one woman at the same time leads to two different scenarios. The first one is that you, as a guy, keep this information to yourself and you don’t let your partners know about your other involvements. The second scenario is that everyone knows about everyone else and there’s a certain agreement present.
Regardless of the choices you make about your honesty, having multiple partners has some clear disadvantages.
- First of all, it takes a lot of time to satisfy each of them and to offer precisely what they want and need from you. Your time has to be spent in such a way so they don’t feel neglected. They might want to see you at the same time and you will have to make a schedule and set appointments. This doesn’t sound romantic at all.
- You have to know their preferences, moods, expectations and this requires quite some effort from your part. It’s difficult to do this with just one person sometimes, but you will have a difficult time getting to know every woman and to comply.
- Financially speaking, it might be very tough. Even if you don’t end up paying for everything, you still need to show some financial power. If you lack this kind of potential, women might lose interest in you. This is not necessarily for materialistic reasons, but it has a lot to do with evolution. A woman wants safety from you, even if she can already provide for herself.
- Your multiple relationships might put you in a difficult spot with your family and friends. Think about holidays and celebrations and how you need to juggle so you can make everyone happy. Besides, how do you explain in certain situations that you aren’t exclusive with someone? This doesn’t have to be anyone else’s business, but social and cultural situations can lead to some awkward moments.
Usually, when a guy keeps more women by his side in intimate relationships, is probably for his own interests. There might be some areas of his life that don’t satisfy him and he tries to overcompensate. This is an immature way of handling things. An exclusive relationship builds character. There are incredible advantages that we’ll look into a bit later.
When you have relationships with more than a partner and you don’t tell them about your other relationships is plain cheating. You mislead the women and you’re not being completely honest with them. They might take it for granted that it’s an exclusive relationship and they have certain expectations. Even if you might be capable of keeping the appearances for a while, this won’t last long. You first have to make sure they never meet and that you spend enough time with each of them. It also implies a lot of management, a lot of talking and reassuring, compromise and negotiations.
When women know that you are seeing other people there are a few possible reactions. For starters, there’s jealousy. Even if a bit of jealousy can make a guy feel great, are you sure you can handle the rage that comes from a very jealous person? Then there’s the competition. Women will start to compete against each other, trying to show you how great they are, hoping that you’ll eventually get rid of the rest. In this case you will receive all their attentions, while you won’t have to put any real effort. That’s a very selfish way of handling things and avoiding to take action in a certain direction will eventually break hearts. This can last for a while, but if you don’t decide fast enough they will all go away in the end. You might be tempted to think it’s not that bad, because there will always be other women. But time will pass and you won’t find that special person to spend the rest of your life with. There are great chances that you fall in love with someone, but your lack of maturity and commitment will drive that person away.
The habits that you form will outline your entire life. If you refuse to be loyal and resist even the smallest temptation, it will be difficult to find someone that actually trusts you. By forming healthy habits of loyalty and fidelity, when you will meet a truly amazing person it will be very easy to stay committed and maintain that relationship.
Many live with the impression that all people are the same. If you want to have more girlfriends, you might assume that other people cheat and aren’t available for committed relationships. You might even find an excuse in this and feel better about yourself, because others do it too. Another repercussion of this belief is that you keep finding the same types of girls because you never leave your comfort zone. If you stay in the same place for some time, it will be difficult to find other kinds of people. You might be under the impression that all women are alike and that’s the reason you can’t settle. Just by changing the locations you have real chances of seeing a great diversity. This is not an encouragement to have girlfriends from all walks of life, but to keep an open mind and think that you will eventually find a girl that’s suitable for you.
Getting to know a person takes time. It involves emotional availability and the desire to know everything about her. If you spend your days in more relationships, you also rely on luck. You won’t have the chance to know a person well enough and if you do make a choice, how can you be certain it’s right? It’s highly recommended that you spend your time and effort on one person at a time, so you get to know her better. You can find out a lot about a person if you are willing to ask questions, talk about yourself, see her reactions, moods and have common activities. If things don’t work out, you can put an end to it without guilt, because you’ll know that you tried and there just wasn’t the compatibility you were looking for.
When you have a relationship with a person, but at the same time you are certain you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with her is a waste of time for both of you. People that reach their thirties often think they still have plenty of time to find someone. But that’s not true. A relationship may or may not have the purpose of leading in a straight direction. Either way, it takes a lot of time to figure it all out. When you date other people and have the feeling that you’re saving time, you risk making a choice based on unrealistic information. If a girl spends a limited amount of time with someone she’s interested in, she will most likely present the best parts about herself and she’ll go to a great deal of trouble hiding her flaws. If your focus is on other partners as well, you won’t be capable of truly paying attention. This is not a situation you want to find yourself in.
Then, have you considered the women you are dating? If they aren’t aware of your other relationships, you always have to lie and come up with excuses. Even if they never find out, they won’t be satisfied from this kind of relationship. But if they don’t mind being with you even when they know about your other partners, you might find that you don’t like the reasons behind it. There are women who are completely open about being involved non-exclusively with men. They probably don’t have enough time, they have other things they focus on or they don’t really care about you. They could also lack self-confidence and think ill about themselves. They aren’t complete from a psychological point of view and this has many other consequences. They might also be involved with some other people. Would you like to be in the same situation? Could you handle being compared all the time?
Men who get involved with multiple partners at the same time can have a number of reasons for doing so. It can be lack of commitment or the inability to find someone they truly like being with. Others are driven by narcissism, sexual compulsion and a great need for validation. Some people think that are capable of loving more people at the same time, in the same way. That can be the case up to a certain point, but love evolves and it can be blocked by dispersed attention and effort. When this happens, that person will not get to the level of intensity that real love brings.
Spending a lot of time on relationships leads to great losses in the other parts of your life. When you try to make multiple relationships work, you won’t find time and energy to focus on yourself and your personal aspirations. A fulfilling life means more than that, but the unfortunate truth is that many people ignore those parts. If you feel unfulfilled in particular areas of life, you might tend to search for happiness in other people and this cycle continues without any real results.
Another thing you should consider for the future is your relationships with your guy friends. Most people maintain monogamous relationships and they settle with a person they love. If you continue to have multiple girlfriends and refuse to search for a meaningful connection, you will also disconnect from your friends and their lives. Your preferences will be different, regardless of their respect they had for you in their youth.
Let’s see what you can expect from the relationship with a single person.
- Being faithful to one person builds inner strength.
If you maintain your integrity by being faithful in a relationship you will find it easy to stay committed to the person you love. If you continue to be truthful even when you’re tired or feel angry, you will strengthen your character. You will be able to stick to your commitments and make important decisions based on real values and beliefs. You won’t be impulsive and risk having regrets later. This trait is very important for anyone and you will have a lot to gain if you work on your inner strength.
- Less worries and more peace of mind
Having multiple partners can be very stressful at times. The reasons might come from the possibility of being found out or from your anxiety of dealing with certain situations. You have to make sure that you’re always in good terms with your partners and that requires a lot of effort. Being with one person is a lot easier, because you can discuss about anything. Each problem that arises can be solved immediately. You don’t risk calling her the wrong way and you will already know plenty of things about her to know how she will react. If you allow her to know the real you, it will be more comfortable to stay in her presence without feeling the need to hide your traits. You can be you, knowing that she will still love you just as much.
- You get to experience a special connection between two people
By being with one person you both get to know each other personally. Spending time with her will be another occasion to find out new things about her. People are unpredictable and you can’t truly know anyone, except when you spend enough time in their presence, in different scenarios. You will learn how they react, how they talk to other people, how they behave even when they don’t know you’re watching. This is a two-way street and they will also get to know you. This kind of connection is truly deep and having a person that loves you when they know so much about you can be the best feeling in the world. You will have a person you can share anything with and nothing beats coming home to them.
- You can be pride of your choices
When you’re involved in a monogamous relationship, refusing any other offer from the outside can be a reason to be proud. Knowing that you kept your integrity and refused an easy affair is an experience that brings joy. You will be glad of your decision and your life with your partner will not suffer any consequences. You won’t have to deal with any guilt and you’ll feel stronger afterwards.
- Security in a fulfilling relationship
Both you and your partner will feel secure when trust is complete. When you are both faithful to each other and open to your relationship, everything can be discussed freely. Even the insecurities that might show up once in a while can be combated with a real discussion. When you both feel the same kind of security your lives will be happy and filled with love.
- Love makes sex better
Meaningless sex is often found in new relationships and many people that have multiple partners complain about this aspect. When someone is involved with just one person, they make it count. Intimacy brings sex to a whole new level and even when things aren’t as good as you might want, you have the chance to improve it without delay. You have one person that you get to know in such detail, that you will be happy to bring her pleasure with the right moves. The sexual connection gets better in time and passion continues to fill your bedroom as long as you maintain your love and interest for your partner.
- Commitment brings full support
People who are part of a committed relationship tend to be more supportive towards their partners. They know their partner’s moods, they know when they’re hurt and what can they do to improve the situation. They actually care about the well-being of the other person and they are fully involved in making things better in any way they can. After sharing all their thoughts with each other, the connection is strengthened and both partners are more likely to fight for happiness.
- Attention to details matters
After a while of spending your time together, your partner will know many little things about you that you never even thought about. Commitment also shows a type of expressive interaction that might seem insignificant, but it does make a difference. People who think warm towards each other show their feelings by small interactions. Affection is translated in doing all kinds of things for the other person, like putting the paper in a certain way or making their coffee just the way they like it. The behavior shows empathy, warmth, care and they all impact the lives of both people. By paying attention to these things, people show their love. A kiss on the cheek, saying ‘I love you’, a massage session after a difficult day can make all the difference and they are certainly priceless.
Being in a committed relationship you allows yourself to grow. You spend your time on things that matter for you and your partner. You get to discover a person intimately and she gets to know you just as well. The connection you get to have with this person is totally worth fighting for. Sometimes it’s difficult to find her and obstacles might be in your way. Sometimes, your other girlfriends prevent you from seeing her true value. Your prejudice is also a factor that keeps you away from love.
Having multiple girlfriends keeps you from focusing on important matters. You fail to build a fulfilling life for yourself. You fail to develop as a person. And you lose time that you can never take back. It’s not just you in this equation, but all the women you get involved with as well. Whether you appreciate them or not, they don’t deserve to be treated as a transition. If you know you don’t truly want them, the best decision is to stay away. It’s difficult to handle it all and you complicate your life by being involved in this way with more partners. You have everything to lose, because the only thing you gain is a chemical process that takes place in your brain.
Being in a committed and monogamous relationship with a special person has certain advantages that surpass any temporary benefits you think you might get from having multiple girlfriends. Always remember that the choices you make don’t affect just you, but relationships also involve someone else.