What You Should Think About To Last Longer During Sex - Alpha Male Nation
For men, having sex can be something alike a double edged sword: on the one hand, there’s the immense pleasure you get from being intimate with someone you’re attracted to; on the other hand, there’s no bigger pressure and fear you could be facing as a male other than that of ejaculating prematurely and ending the fun for the both of you. Fortunately, experts have researched thoroughly and have come up with what you should think about to last longer during sex.
Though it might sounds implausible, reflect on it – with the brain being the centre of command to all things related to the body, it’s only natural to consider it both the cause of problems and key towards solutions. In truth, for most of the time, men end up having these types of sexual shortcomings due to anxiety and stress, which ultimately affect their mental state and sexual performance negatively.
In addition, it can be very hard to treat something most men dread even admitting to themselves, let alone voice out to the world. The reason behind this is that they believe any sort of sexual flaw translates into a lack of masculinity or, even worse, the beginning of impotence. As can be deduced, this is a wrong method of tackling this intimate issue, since communication can actually improve the quality of intercourse and prevent premature ejaculation by ensuring your mind isn’t clouded with unfounded doubts and insecurities.
Thus, to answer some of your burning questions and then help you avoid embarrassing situations in bed, here are the 9 most important things you should keep in view so as to increase your sexual stamina:
- Clear your mind – while some men swear by thinking about basketball, baseball or other such sports as the key towards avoiding premature ejaculation, the truth is that this method might, in fact, have the opposite effect. Sure, you’ll get your mind off sexual performance issues, but, at the same time, you’ll probably lose touch with the act of intercourse itself. There’s no doubt your partner will know it and you’ll notice it soon enough, especially when your body starts losing rhythm and your senses don’t respond as keenly to stimuli. Instead of letting your mind wander, breathe in deeply, live in the moment, and try to focus on her body language, moaning, verbal cues, etc. Thus, her pleasure should become your number one goal, but in a positive way. This will ultimately get you out of your head and calm down your anxieties. Additionally, you’ll actually be able to experience your own pleasure by being present in the moment.
- Foreplay before actual ‘play’ – as any sexologist will tell you, foreplay is essential in not only getting your body prepared for sex, but also your mind. By becoming in tune with your partner’s needs and desires, it’ll be easier to motivate yourself towards achieving her climaxing and less inclined to worry about your own. What is more, ‘pillow talk’ can be very useful as a means of communicating to one another what you’re comfortable with and what is off the table. In this way, you’ll know exactly what to do with your body and how to do it in order to maximize satisfaction on both sides. Also, remember that sex isn’t just a one way deal – keep in mind she might have insecurities about her body or performance anxiety as well (being so stressed out about not achieving an orgasm quicker that she doesn’t get one at all, no matter how hard you try). Consequently, use foreplay to create a safe and enjoyable environment for both of you and this will undoubtedly reflect in the quality of your sex sessions.
- Give yourself a little ‘pep talk’ – before sex, try pinning down the reasons why you might fall short of performing perfectly during intercourse. Are you afraid of disappointing her? Are you uncomfortable with anything? Would you like to try something new, but are too afraid to even mention it? Well, the solution to all of these questions is communication between partners and mutual reassurance. Sex isn’t a race, but a form of collaboration – after all, you want to ‘finish’ simultaneously, not one before the other. If you don’t relate to any of the issues raised above, then you might just be nervous and uncertain of yourself and your sexual performance capacities. In this case, try talking yourself out of negative thoughts by being your number one supporter. If need be, make your inner monologue along the same lines you would do when cheering for your favourite sports team, for instance. You’ll see how a little motivation can go a long way, especially when it comes to sexual performance.
- Take matters into your own hands – due to the fact that most men just go directly for penetrative sex, they are setting themselves up for disaster, since this is what ladies least like. They want to be touched, caressed, kissed everywhere, and made to feel like they’re the most special woman on earth. This could be most definitely worked to your advantage, since lasting longer in bed doesn’t necessarily have to refer strictly to how well your penis performs during intercourse. In fact, approximately 70% of women don’t even climax solely from ‘classic’ sex, needing some type of additional stimulation in order to orgasm. So think smart and act accordingly – become a master in oral sex (tongue and fingers included), learn about sex toys, etc. and you’ll understand how shifting your attention exclusively towards her can aid you in both lasting longer in bed and in getting a significantly delayed and improved orgasm yourself.
- Spice it up – inevitably, routine can majorly affect the way you perform during sex, especially on a psychological level. Doing it with the same partner on the same bed in the same old position each day could become as boring as having multiple one night stands in a row. If you’re the ‘settled down’ type, try doing some role-play with your partner in order to spice things up. Not only will sex be more enjoyable and exciting, but you will also have the chance to ‘become’ another person (for example, the naughty nurse’s favourite patient), which could then help you relieve anxiety and any remaining traces of self-doubt. On the contrary, if you’re the adventurous type, try mellowing things a little – concentrate on accomplishing a romantic setting for your partner, with soft candlelight, rose petals scattered on the bed, soft whispers into her ear, and other such things. By shifting the focus from the sexual act to all the aspects which revolve around it, you significantly decrease the pressure naturally accompanying any intimate encounter and, thus, give yourself a good head start.
- Make smart love – instead of anxiously counting down the time you have left until you ‘pop your lid off’ prematurely, become completely immersed in the moment and forget about the clock altogether. No matter what anybody tells you, sex isn’t about how long it lasts, but how good it really is. Admittedly, nobody wants to call it quits after just a couple of minutes, but, realistically, only few can truly go at it all night long. As with anything, balance is key: try to alternate penetrative sex with oral and manual stimulation, pillow talk, and even role-play. This will force your mind to get out of that habitual thought process which ultimately makes you unable to perform longer in bed. You could even expect the opposite, with changing up routines having the potential to make your mind rethink pressure and pleasure, thus postponing your climactic moment.
- Cut off on porn – you should know from the start that holding porn as a standard for lovemaking is a clear mistake. Mentally comparing your performance or even your lover’s to the acrobatics and sometimes clearly faked orgasms of various porn stars is only going to unnecessarily increase your anxiety levels. They’re not called ‘actors’ for nothing, you know – making everything appear grander than it is falls under the denomination of their job, so you shouldn’t believe every over-the-top and hour-long erection you see on the screen. Instead, focus on your partner and the intercourse you’re having, trying to be as present as you can in both the act and the pleasure you draw from it. It might not always be perfect, but it’s much more real and significant than any pornographic video, so you should cherish it as such by being present and willing to give your best – nobody’s asking for more than you can perform.
- Problem or personal preference? – unless you’ve been properly diagnosed with premature ejaculation by a certified doctor, then there’s always the chance that you could be setting the bar out too high for yourself. Ask yourself this: are you peaking after just 1-3 minutes of penetration or is it merely that you’d like sex to last longer by delaying your particular moment of coming? If the answer you’re more inclined to is the second, then you might be the one with high expectations and not your partner. While the majority of men believe a ‘normal’ sex session should last somewhere around the 30 minutes mark, medical studies have concluded that the average duration of penetrative sex actually is between 7-13 minutes, with intercourse lasting 3-5 minutes being perfectly reasonable any day. So, next time you have sex, have these marks in mind and think hard whether you actually have an ejaculatory problems or it’s just in your head after all.
- Listen to your body – if your mind might wander or become stuck in sexual insecurities, your body won’t. If properly aroused, your ‘bits and pieces’ will know what to do and how to do it properly, so all you have to do is take control of this momentum and get the most satisfaction out of it. In essence, try thinking with your body when wanting to last longer in bed. For example, don’t just pound on aggressively into her vagina in order to avoid premature ejaculation – instead, pick up her natural rhythm and juxtapose your own to it. Don’t get tied up in your thoughts of failing intercourse, but rather get lost in the natural momentum your bodies create during sex and savour it. Why worry about a disappointment that hasn’t occurred yet instead of fully enjoying the satisfaction sex is offering you right at that very moment?
As can be deduced by now, sexual performance issues often stem from a man’s personal anxieties and uncertainty more than from aspects pertaining to any physical incapacity he might or might not have. To put it simply, as a male, it’s sometimes all in your head. Luckily enough, it’s just as easy to escape these thoughts and gradually work your way towards lasting longer in bed.
First of all, you should know that talking about your struggles with intimacy does not emasculate you – if anything, it will bring you closer to your partner since she will feel you can trust and confide in her enough to communicate about such problems. Contrary to popular masculine belief, women aren’t all about the buff beast that can sweep them off their feet; being sincere and open towards your partner will not only strengthen your relationship, but it will also increase sex quality and duration (because you are both more relaxed and open in this way). In addition, letting it all out helps alleviate the effects of stress and pressure, which are the crucial enemies of any good sexual act. We all need to vent once in a while, so you’re definitely not alone in this.
To conclude, before resorting to any kind of ‘miracle pills’ or pornographic scenarios in order to try and prolong your time of intimacy, try using the above mentioned tips as your starting point for changing your sexual mindset for the better. You should at least see an improvement in your intercourse sessions, if not an overall shift in stamina and climactic delaying. In the end, just trust yourself and your abilities and you’ll be having the time of your life in bed…all the time!